22.10.08
Quickie
She always had a smudge of charcoal just below her left ear, as if some careless bit of art had leaned in for a kiss and left a little of itself behind.
11.10.08
Nostalgia
Want to hear the most awesome thing? I ate Lucky Charms for breakfast this morning. The marshmallows tasted exactly the same as they did when I was a kid. In fact, the taste was so familiar that I was instantly transported back to a morning in my childhood when my two friends and I ate an entire box of Lucky Charms and polished off an entire gallon of milk.
Needless to say they didn't taste that good after that memory. Ug! What a tummy ache.
Today I'm doing laundry, reading New Moon, and maybe watching some movies. It's one of those gradual days that wanders towards evening all day. The clouds are dark and low and the whole pace of the day is almost in slow motion. The air is the perfect temperature, still shorts and tank top weather but with just a nip in the air that makes you shiver at random moments. Random delicious moments. It's like when it rains in the winter and you're able to spend the day in socks with a mug of warm spiced cider doing nothing especially. Makes me want to bake cookies.
TImes like this I feel like I'm standing on the bank of the river of life watching it rush by me in a blur. I know the stream rushing past me is cold and uncomfortable but it takes my places. It gets me where I need to be. Days like this are when I'm just sitting on a warm rock on the edge of it all, enjoying the senses of it all without really being a part of it. As if for a split moment I'm standing outside of life itself.
In the Outlander series Diana Gabaldon refers to moments like this as Claire's "Moments of Grace".
I don't try and put a name to it, I just enjoy it, thank the goddess it happened and then step back into the current of life.
Needless to say they didn't taste that good after that memory. Ug! What a tummy ache.
Today I'm doing laundry, reading New Moon, and maybe watching some movies. It's one of those gradual days that wanders towards evening all day. The clouds are dark and low and the whole pace of the day is almost in slow motion. The air is the perfect temperature, still shorts and tank top weather but with just a nip in the air that makes you shiver at random moments. Random delicious moments. It's like when it rains in the winter and you're able to spend the day in socks with a mug of warm spiced cider doing nothing especially. Makes me want to bake cookies.
TImes like this I feel like I'm standing on the bank of the river of life watching it rush by me in a blur. I know the stream rushing past me is cold and uncomfortable but it takes my places. It gets me where I need to be. Days like this are when I'm just sitting on a warm rock on the edge of it all, enjoying the senses of it all without really being a part of it. As if for a split moment I'm standing outside of life itself.
In the Outlander series Diana Gabaldon refers to moments like this as Claire's "Moments of Grace".
I don't try and put a name to it, I just enjoy it, thank the goddess it happened and then step back into the current of life.
10.10.08
Just when you think things are going well...
I just got home from taking Donovan to the Emergency Room for a wrist injury. We got there at about noon and we. just. got. home. It was stressful. The good news is that his wrist isn't fractured and there doesn't seem to be a sprain but they put him in a splint anyway "Just in case". So he will be in a splint and sling for at least the next couple of days. It'll be tough on him but he's mature enough to deal.
Am I mature enough to deal?
No clue.
Am I mature enough to deal?
No clue.
Holding the Door Open for a Woman
She put her hand on her stomach. It was an unconscious movement she probably would have stifled had she been aware of it. It came so naturally to her now she didn’t even realize it when her hand rose and rested against the slight curvature of the womb that lay hard against her palm. There was a connection there. Nothing as dramatic as telepathy or symbiosis, just a knowledge. It was as if the movement itself was the communication. A gentle vibration answered by the slight resting pressure.
9.10.08
Really?! Seriously?!
Last night a really good friend of mine woke me in the middle of the night because mutual neighbors of ours knocked on her door at 1:30 in the morning and proceeded to yell at her and terrify her until she could finally get her door shut. The male neighbor was holding the door open yelling at her. She is already terrified of men because several of her past beaus have tried to kill or maim her and having a strange angry man trying to bully his way into her house at 1:30 in the morning did nothing to alleviate this.
What precipitated this late night siege on my good friend's abode?
Last week my friend's turtle was taken by one of the neighborhood kids and when she went to the kid's house to get her turtle back the kid's mom said she knew nothing about it.
So now the same woman has her boyfriend beating down my friend's door telling her she shouldn't accuse people of things. Bullying their way into the home of an already traumatized woman, ensuring that my kids, my friend's kids and said neighbor's kids will never be able to play now...
all because her kid walked off with a turtle.
My husband and I went to the woman's house to find out why she would do such a thing and the woman acted like she had been sleeping and didn't know what we were talking about. (see a pattern here?)
Cops were called. Police reports were filed. Sleep was lost. All for what?
Because one woman couldn't act like an adult for two seconds. Because she felt so guilty about being caught lying she felt the need to vindicate herself through shock and awe tactics. Swoop down on her house in the middle of the night when she and her children are all alone and make your boyfriend bully her until she's in hysterical tears.
Really?! Seriously? Can we just grow up?
(10/08/2008)
What precipitated this late night siege on my good friend's abode?
Last week my friend's turtle was taken by one of the neighborhood kids and when she went to the kid's house to get her turtle back the kid's mom said she knew nothing about it.
So now the same woman has her boyfriend beating down my friend's door telling her she shouldn't accuse people of things. Bullying their way into the home of an already traumatized woman, ensuring that my kids, my friend's kids and said neighbor's kids will never be able to play now...
all because her kid walked off with a turtle.
My husband and I went to the woman's house to find out why she would do such a thing and the woman acted like she had been sleeping and didn't know what we were talking about. (see a pattern here?)
Cops were called. Police reports were filed. Sleep was lost. All for what?
Because one woman couldn't act like an adult for two seconds. Because she felt so guilty about being caught lying she felt the need to vindicate herself through shock and awe tactics. Swoop down on her house in the middle of the night when she and her children are all alone and make your boyfriend bully her until she's in hysterical tears.
Really?! Seriously? Can we just grow up?
(10/08/2008)
Enjoyable and Productive
What an awesome morning! The leaves are just starting to turn and there is a chill in the air. In fact, this morning was the first morning I got to see my breath. D ran in from the bus stop and pulled me outside so I could see his breath and I caught some of his kid-excitement. I love the fall. I got up yesterday to find it had rained and it was cold. We drank hot tea and apple cider and I cleaned the house in preparation for Michael's surprise birthday party. The whole day was fun and I got a lot accomplished. You know you've had a good day when it was productive and enjoyable.
And now its back to the grindstone but not without enjoying the beautiful fall day around me.
(10/06/2008)
And now its back to the grindstone but not without enjoying the beautiful fall day around me.
(10/06/2008)
Crossroads
There are a lot of things going on in my life so I figure I better get on here and document them before I make a horrible mistake. Blogging always makes my choices seem a bit more clear.
I'm a sophomore this semester and while I love being in school and learning you kind of get to the point where you hope to see the end in sight. You want to be able to chart your course and, when charted, my journey has about seven more years left. I'm beginning to feel like Odysseus and that isn't a good thing. The graphic design program just isn't what I thought it would be. It's long, arduous, and if I'm perfectly honest with myself, I'm not learning anything. As much as I love Graphic Design, I haven't enjoyed one of my classes since I started this whole debacle. The most fun of my life has been drawing and creative writing. If the GD program weren't so intensive maybe I could get through it but I have two years left of just Graphic Design. That doesn't even begin to count the language classes, creative writing classes, Gen Ed classes, and Honors classes I have to take. My graduate date would be sometime in 2013. I would be graduating from college the SAME year as D would be graduating from HIGH SCHOOL! And like I said, it would be different if I were actually learning anything in the program but I'm not.
I've thought about changing to a studio arts minor or a drawing major. I hate to have the last couple years of my life be a waste but I don't want the next seven years of my life to be a waste either. My other option is to just ride it out. Get all of my Gen Ed, Honors, Language, and Creative Writing Classes out of the way, take the couple of classes that I need to fulfill a studio arts minor and then see how I feel. Maybe I'm just burned out. Maybe if I wait a couple of semesters something in the Graphics Design program will change for the better... Then I'll have BA in Creative Writing and at least a minor in art if not a major in Drawing. I'll graduate with honors. Can you believe one of my GD professors suggested I either slack in one of my other classes or drop the honors program in order to devote more time to graphic design. Yeah, why don't I just sell some of my kids while I'm at it, they take up WAY too much of my time. Hmph.
The second reason I jumped on here after so long is because I was feeling introspective. I saw two people I knew today and I didn't call out to them or say hello because I was afraid that I was mistaken and it wasn't them and that would leave me open to embarrassment. Leave me open to embarrassment?! I didn't say hello to someone I cared about because there was a chance that when they turned around the face of a stranger might have been staring at me. Then they would have said "I'm sorry you must be mistaken." and then I would blush momentarily but we would laugh about it and then go our separate ways. Then next time I would call out to them as a joke and maybe we would become friends. So now, not only did I not say hello to a friend but I also crushed what could have been a great opportunity to meet someone new. Because I was afraid to be embarrassed. How pitiful is that? All to protect me from a second of vulnerability. What a coward.
One of these days I'm going to take the (ahem, excuse the trite phrase) road less traveled and be proud but for today... today is a good day and I think I'll let it ride.
I'm a sophomore this semester and while I love being in school and learning you kind of get to the point where you hope to see the end in sight. You want to be able to chart your course and, when charted, my journey has about seven more years left. I'm beginning to feel like Odysseus and that isn't a good thing. The graphic design program just isn't what I thought it would be. It's long, arduous, and if I'm perfectly honest with myself, I'm not learning anything. As much as I love Graphic Design, I haven't enjoyed one of my classes since I started this whole debacle. The most fun of my life has been drawing and creative writing. If the GD program weren't so intensive maybe I could get through it but I have two years left of just Graphic Design. That doesn't even begin to count the language classes, creative writing classes, Gen Ed classes, and Honors classes I have to take. My graduate date would be sometime in 2013. I would be graduating from college the SAME year as D would be graduating from HIGH SCHOOL! And like I said, it would be different if I were actually learning anything in the program but I'm not.
I've thought about changing to a studio arts minor or a drawing major. I hate to have the last couple years of my life be a waste but I don't want the next seven years of my life to be a waste either. My other option is to just ride it out. Get all of my Gen Ed, Honors, Language, and Creative Writing Classes out of the way, take the couple of classes that I need to fulfill a studio arts minor and then see how I feel. Maybe I'm just burned out. Maybe if I wait a couple of semesters something in the Graphics Design program will change for the better... Then I'll have BA in Creative Writing and at least a minor in art if not a major in Drawing. I'll graduate with honors. Can you believe one of my GD professors suggested I either slack in one of my other classes or drop the honors program in order to devote more time to graphic design. Yeah, why don't I just sell some of my kids while I'm at it, they take up WAY too much of my time. Hmph.
The second reason I jumped on here after so long is because I was feeling introspective. I saw two people I knew today and I didn't call out to them or say hello because I was afraid that I was mistaken and it wasn't them and that would leave me open to embarrassment. Leave me open to embarrassment?! I didn't say hello to someone I cared about because there was a chance that when they turned around the face of a stranger might have been staring at me. Then they would have said "I'm sorry you must be mistaken." and then I would blush momentarily but we would laugh about it and then go our separate ways. Then next time I would call out to them as a joke and maybe we would become friends. So now, not only did I not say hello to a friend but I also crushed what could have been a great opportunity to meet someone new. Because I was afraid to be embarrassed. How pitiful is that? All to protect me from a second of vulnerability. What a coward.
One of these days I'm going to take the (ahem, excuse the trite phrase) road less traveled and be proud but for today... today is a good day and I think I'll let it ride.
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