Christmas is a'comin and the geese are getting fat...

9 days later and poor Ari is still sick. Keira and I have caught this cold/ ear infection and we are both miserable. It feels like it's been and endless cycle of sucking snot, doling out meds and fighting to put eye drops in. She's miserable most days and I'm so concerned about her (and my own) that I don't sleep at night. Luckily Michael has been home to help. My ears and throat are so sore and I'm coughing all the time. I worked today. I'll be surprised if I work tomorow, though we need the money because Mike missed so much work when he was sick.
My aunt, uncle and parents will be here for christmas next week.
Wish me luck.

The Beat Goes On- Laa-dee laa-dee lee

Michael's been home all week and still doesn't feel better. I can sense him getting worse and worse. I feel bad for him, with chores and the holidays, I've had him running the entire time. I'm gonna let him sleep in tomorrow, all day if he needs it.
Arianna seems like she's getting worse as well. She has huge circles under her eyes and she gets weepy and frustrated at the smallest thing. We took her to the doctor today and, of course, she's allergic to the meds he put her on. She broke out in hives. We went to the headstart parent meeting today even though she missed two days of class. I could feel the disapproving stares of the teachers and almost lost it when one of them said, "She doesn't get antlers because she wasn't in class when we made them." I'm sorry if I think my daughter's health is more important than construction paper antlers. Would it kill you to make a couple extra?
Mike and the kids have been feeling so bad I let them open their solstice presents early. The kids were so excited. Not every four and six year olds get their own tv and dvd player. Mike and I agreed a few big presents were easier in the long run than a bunch of small ones.
Michael got me addicted to a video game called Legacy of Caine: Defiance. We fight over who gets to play when. I'm actually kind of keeping up with him. I never thought I'd be good at anything but karaoke revolutions.
Keira is wonderful, just turning three months she's giggling, cooing, smiling. She likes to play peek-a-boo and suck her fingers. She also has a really soft stuffed monkey she grabs when she's getting ready for sleep. She's at the perfect age, when she looks up at you, recognizes you, and smiles, your heart melts and you just can't help but stop and say hello.

Three Months

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'Tis The Season of Giving

It's that time of year again, when everyone has something and they all delight in giving it to someone else. No, I'm not talking about the holidays, I'm talking about cold/flu season. Arianna and Donovan have ear infections, Mike has something called a "viral throat infection" and Keira either had conjunctivitis or a clogged tear drainage canal. I don't have anything yet or, if I do, I don't have time to realize it. On Saturday I cleaned the living room, Ari's room and my own room. Plus, I worked four hours at Hot Topic. Sunday I got up at eight and did twenty loads of laundry, made lunch, worked for four and a half hours and started Donovan's room.
Still, I guess it's better than the stomach virus. I hate the smell that permeates the house and the way Ari and Donovan tremble when I hold them. I think this is more painful, though. What will I do if they give it to Keira? How will I know? The PA said it wasn't a contagious strain of ear infections but then how did Ari get it?
Did I forget to mention that Donovan has a cyst behind the ear that isn't infected and the PA wants us to break it open every day so it can drain?
I think the first level of hell is seeing your kids in pain.

Remember What It Felt Like To Climb Into Your Ma's Lap?

I set up a website called Ma's Lap today. It's short for Mothers Against Lazy Parenting. It's one of the few things I feel strongly about. The amount of parents who just don't even try to be in their kid's life anymore. I understand that some people need daycare to cover their workday. I understand that not everyone can be a stay at home mom but when you don't bother to spend time with your kids when you are at home or if you forget you have kids. That's what's causing todays troubles. Know what your kids are doing, keep track of them, hang out with them and keep your eyes open.
I could never forget mine.

The Finish Line

I can proudly say I finished the novel. It's not completely done. It needs several revisions and 50,000-100,000 more words but it's got a beginning, a middle, and an end. Every plot point has at least a chapter and I got to my goal of 50,000.
It makes me happy that something I've been working on for ten years is finally done. It's a workable piece and, from the opinions I've gotten, a damn good piece.
Keira seems to have broken down some kind of writer's black that the greasy grey put up. Maybe, for once, I really am happy.
My inner cat purrs

Growing Pains

I don't spend much time here anymore. It's just easier to avoid my thoughts and go about my life.
Keira is getting so big. She's the love of my life. I miss her so much on the days I work. She's started to look at me and smile in a way that makes my heart melt. It's so awesome that she actually sees and recognizes me. She's started to coo a lot more, too. The kids love her so much.
Ari is experiencing some major growing pains. She's pushing the limits of my parenting skills and becoming a close friend of dicipline. I'm not sure if it's her age or that she's now going to headstart but something is giving her the idea that Mommy and Daddy aren't in charge anymore. It makes me discouraged but at the same time I'm so proud she has that unbeatable spirit.
Donovan is learning so much. He's reading more and more, everyday. I was letting him read Dick and Jane but now I think he's ready to move on, he reads things on windows, the TV and even knows what Mike and I are spelling when we don't want him to.
As far as work goes, I love it. The environment is perfect for me, a lot of my co-workers are parents and my age. They all have the same interests as me and the same tastes. I've yet to meet anyone rude or stuck-up. I'm working with someone I went to high school with and it's nice because he never wants to get nostalgic but he acts like we were best friends when the truth is, I hardly knew him.
He's the best: cool, friendly, outgoing, but he acts like we are long lost pals. I'd love to feel like I'd regained an old friend but I haven't.
Thanksgiving is right around the corner, where does the time go?

Two Months 

Holidays Are Chock Full Of Goodness

Man, what a long week this has been. I know the holidays are supposed to be busy but I think I over did it as usual. On Saturday we went to the farmer's market. It was a lot of fun but really cold. I met a girl that takes great photos and a wiccan that makes soaps and stuff. They were both so great. We took the kids around to all the stalls and they got candy. One of the places had a great Day of the Dead Altar and I kicked myself for not taking my camera.
On Sunday we went trick or treating twice, once at the mall and once around the neighborhood. The neighborhood was really dead and I was disappointed by how many people didn't hand out candy. It feels like the spirit of Halloween is as dead as the people it celebrates. After trick or treating we went to a Halloween party. It was very laid back, very cool. We sat around and talked.
Monday we had a full turkey dinner in celebration of Samhain and Feast of the Dead. Pumpkin pie, cranberry, stuffing, mashed potatoes, the works. It was very cool.
Yesterday we spent the afternoon in the ER because Keira had a strange cough that I was concerned about. They took xrays of her lungs but couldn't find anything wrong with her. I made an appointment at the pediatrician's on Monday.
Last week we watched the eclipse. The kids seemed oblivious to it but Mike and I loved it.
Also, on Monday I got the job at Hot Topic finally. It's only minimum wage and limited hours but the discount rules.
Finally I joined the National Novel Writing Month website where I will be attempting to crunch out 40,000 words in one month. That might finish my novel. Those things are worth money...

Samhain Cometh

The fog came in last night like a living thing. One minute you could see and the next minute it blanketed the world. I remembered saying I would miss the fog when I left Philly and now, 3 years later I finally get it back. It's finally cold though only at night. It makes me happy: the chill air, the smell of woodsmoke, pumpkins, hay rides, and scarecrows.
Keira is growing like a weed and now she only wakes me up twice a night. She's so beautiful, I'm excited for the time when she looks at me and actually sees me.
On the other hand the little one I babysit for is driving me to distraction, crying all day for no reason. His mother restricts his food and wants me to give him juice instead of formula. I feel like I'm out of my league. I don't know how to tell her she needs to find someone else, though. And I hate to feel like a failure by quitting. On the other hand, if I wanted four kids, I'd get pregnant again.

It's Noon And The Direct Deposit Still Isn't In The Account

I will not flip out. I will not flip out. I will not flip out. I will not flip out. I will not flip out. I will not flip out. I will not flip out. I will not flip out. I will not flip out. I will not flip out... I won't

Am I Becoming A Stay At Home Mom Snob?

I have issues with moms who neglect their children for whatever reasons. Leave a diaper on for 15 hours, Stuff another bottle in his mouth, no bath for a week, no clean clothes, neglecting medicine.
It kills me that a woman can't take the three minutes it takes to provide your child with the same comforts you provide yourself. Why do people like that have children? Why do... How do mothers ignore their children until they've become some fat little snivelling day care monster that will only eat sugary fruits and sucks down formula like it's running out?

One Month

Mmmmm Yummy

Well Ain't That Just The Pot Calling The Kettle A Glutton For Punishment

There's something evil about sweating your ass off in October. I knew I was asking for it when i moved back but this is ridiculous. How is one supposed to be a goth witch when it's 85 degrees outside?
I put in an application at Hot Topic to work weekends. The manager seemed impressed with my application. The girl I talked to said I was a shoo-in. That was Saturday.
Today I volunteered to baby sit an 8 month old Monday-Friday. I'm not sure yet but I think I'm getting in over my head. The money should start pouring in but is it really worth 4 kids, a husband and a job?

Tempest Smith, Old News Still in the Hearts of Wiccans

I came across this link on my pagan parenting board. Tempest Smith's suicide will determine a great many things in the up coming years one of which will be pagan parents choice on whether or not to raise their children on a pagan path.
It doesn't change my mind. My kids will still be raised on a pagan path until they're old enough to make their own decision but I know there will be a big difference between my kids and Tempest Smith, I'll be there for my kids if they ever get bullied. They will have someone to talk to and they won't ever have to hide their feelings from me.
They won't ever have to hide anything...
Least of all their pain.

Shame On You Victoria Gotti

I realized early this morning that I may be the last of a great generation. Victoria Gotti has her own reality TV series and I realized, watching her fly across the screen in her big boobed way, with her hair gel freak sons that no one younger than me is going to know who John Gotti was. What a giant he was or how much he probably rolls in his grave at what Victoria has turned the family into.
This great mafia godfather would probably be training the Gotti boys to run the "business" and instead she's got them fighting over hair gel on national TV. Oh how the mighty have fallen, good thing their hair never will.

Mastitis

I woke up this morning with a horrible case of mastitis in my left breast. Flu like symptoms including a really high fever and sharp shooting pains in my head. The pain in my breast is nothing compared to the pain in my head, it's like an ice pick.
Dr. Deb gave me antibiotics and promised it would go away in twenty four hours.
My mom called later on and asked if she could come back for a couple more days. I told her no. I was honest and told her I didn't think it was fair that I had to take care of three kids, on a newborn and her. I know she was hurt and I felt guilty but I have to keep my sanity. I can't afford to hate her.

The Wiccaning

It was quick and furtive, not like the grand rituals you see on TV but quiet. Just Mike, Keira, and I on a dark city street. I said a quick prayer and marked a pentacle on her forehead before passing her through the arms of the tree that the kids and I had picked out months ago. The kids have dubbed it, "Our Beautiful Tree". A scrappy little mulberry with mistletoe growing on it. The tree always has the coolest shade. So, it was there that my youngest was given her temporary magickal name until she comes of age.
I almost cried.

Ain't No Cure For The Summertime Blues

I wish I knew what was bothering Donovan. He's been so quiet the last two days and though I've asked him on several occasions he insists that nothings wrong. I would like to bring back that happy go lucky kid, trade him in for the quiet introspective one who prefers to stare out the window at the rising sun than to play cars.
He's got a deeply old spiritual soul and I knew one day I would see the proof positive of it but he still has so much little kid time, I hope he doesn't give any of that up.

Company is Like Fish, It Goes Bad After Two Days

My mother's welcome is wearing thin. There's only so much of her adult baby act I can take. She's spoiled, plain and simple. Won't eat her apple unless it's peeled a certain way, won't eat dinner until she's had a popsicle. It interferes with my life and with the rules I've set down for my children. I have final proof that I'm the adult in the relationship. How my father has made it this long is beyond me. I can't help but wonder what I will say next time she asks for an extended visit. Chances are pretty good that it won't be a quick yes like this time.