It was really windy two nights ago. A cold spell roared in on the wind and the temp dropped so quickly during the day we got snow. Anyway, the wind sounded just like the ocean. The trees blew, the leaves rattled and it sounded like waves rushing in and out. I must have heard the sound in my sleep because I had a dream about the ocean. I have had, throughout my life, a reoccurring dream about a river in the Gila. The rocks are flat and red, sometimes trees, sometimes people, sometimes scrub and sand. It differs from dream to dream but its always the same place. This time the river was the ocean. The kids hadn't been to the ocean in a long time, Keira never. They were afraid of it but I bullied and badgered them into going to dip their feet in the surf. I have Keira and in my arms and the older two run ahead. When we get to the surf, however, the waves are twenty feet high and they go over our head. I struggle and fight to surface knowing that while I can hold my breath for a little time, poor Keira's lungs are much smaller and won't last as long. I fight and fight but to know avail. Then I realize that the fighting isn't getting me anywhere and I relax. In that moment, I am so calm, so happy, I have my baby in my arms and I'm drowning.
That's where the dream ends. It was still predawn at that time and I got up and stood outside. The wind was blowing so hard. I was clueless as to what the dream meant but I realized that it wasn't a scary dream, I didn't wake up crying or afraid. Just calm, thankful for the wind, loving my children.
29.10.09
28.10.09
Cosmetology... I don't think so
I did a bunch of things with the kids again today. I'm finding more and more often that I'd rather hang with the kids than do my homework. I"m such a mommy. Well we got some liquid latex from a friend of ours and tried very hard to make elf ears by dipping spoons in the liquid latex. We got one that looks kind of like a regular human ear, one that looks like a leper's ear, and one that looks roughly like a deflated boob. I'm not sure what I'm going to tell them. I think they are going to be out of luck this year because I am short on money and even shorter on time. If anyone out there has ideas and/or extra elf ears let me know. Then I got bored with the ears. Its liquid latex so it literally can be categorized with watching paint dry except for the fact that Keira thinks it smells like "buttocks". I think that's her super polite for year old way of saying it smells like ass. I'm staring at one of the mutant flesh colored spoon condoms now. Its mocking me.
We got invited to two Halloween parties this year (four if you count the two we can't get to) and one of them is a birthday party that includes trick or treating in a very cushy-cush neighborhood. I'm happy we'll be going with Becca because I was dreading going alone and Mike wanted to stay home and hand candy out this year. I envy him. So little kid party, some trick or treating and then over to Bill and Rachel's for the "Family Friendly" party. Love it. Did I mention trick or treating in the rich neighborhood?
So after I got bored with the ears I decided to do the other thing I've been promising the kids we'd get to. We dyed their hair. The picture at the top is Donovan's before picture. Now its like 6 hours later and my back is permenantly torqued, my hands are stained various colors and there is a huge dollop of blue on the bathroom floor. Stupid mobile home builders, who puts maroon carpet in a bathroom? Mike always drips on the damn thing coming out of the shower and then I step on it 15 minutes later and think I've stepped in dog piss. Oh? You don't want to hear about wet carpets? You'd rather see the after pictures? ok.
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Building up suspense in an obnoxious way.
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Don't try and adjust your screen. My kids really do have leprechaun green and peacock blue hair. The bottles said "Demi-permanent". I'm not sure what that means. Is it better that semi? Or worse? Who knows. All I know is that my back is killing me and my kids look fantastic. And smart. Did I mention Ari got on the A and B honor roll? Yeah buddy. Blue is code for "Damn I'm smart!"
26.10.09
Catch a Tiger By The Toe
My really sweet older kitty Kizmet has got this really bad regurg issue. We've had her for about 13 years and ever since we adopted her if she ever eats or drinks to quickly she immediately loses whatever it was she drank. When she gets sick she makes this really strange high-pitch mewling noise that is very distinct and I've learned that if I get her when she makes that noise I can get her onto the tile so she doesn't yarf on the carpet. Lately, however, she's started to dash under the bed when I head for her and my maybe-authentic-but-threadbare-persian-rug isn't exactly benefiting from the fact that Kizzle is marking it indelibly with her own personal essence. So it has been an adventure that always starts with the mewl. She mewls. I carefully move forward with my hands up in a gesture of innocence, making noises of my own, "Here kittykittykittykitty. pstpstpst. c'mon sweetie." She eyes me warily and changes position, aiming for the bed. "It's ok, Kizzle, c'mere kittykittykitty." I lunge and she, who is considerably fast for a puking fourteen year old cat, darts out of reach under the bed. I shudder knowing I'm going to have to move that bastard queen to get at the mess.
Today went differently, however. I actually caught her back foot. She couldn't run away, she only has back claws so she couldn't scratch me and she was a little busy yarfing anyway. So I held her by her back leg while she puked onto the thick maroon pile of the almost shag carpeting we have everywhere the Persian isn't. I realized shortly afterwards that cleaning cat vomit off of tightly woven Persian is ever so much easier than out of shag and thanked the goddess she hadn't puked in my bed.
25.10.09
Visual Aids
I have started reading a bunch of pagan mommy blogs and I realized how long its been since I posted pictures of my kids (5 years! Can you believe it!) so I thought I'd add some of the most recent ones.
Ari a little over a year ago
Donovan last May
Ari a little over a year ago
Keira in her Halloween 09 costume
Donovan last MayIts so weird how quickly time flies.
All Things Considered...
and I think that's what happened. I didn't consider all things before posting my previous rant on the injustices of hatred. Some people that I've never met and probably will never meet said some nasty things that hurt my feelings and made me cry. People saying nasty things all the time and it doesn't make me cry. I live for writing workshops and art critiques where people sit in a circle around you and tell you how much you/your art sucks. Tough skin is a trademark of the arts industry. I'm more likely to be offended if my art isn't mentioned at all than if its torn apart because then at least I know its worth the effort of the critique. Shouldn't I have felt the same about PPD? That people mentioned it at all is a GOOD thing, it means we've gotten peoples attention. It means that maybe one person will learn that we aren't evil.
With all that in consideration... what happened?
PMS - Now before you feminists go all crazy on me for being a traitor to the gender, let me explain. I know we've been working to remove the stigma of PMS inhibiting our ability to be rational. I know men have said for centuries that women can't make good decisions because they are led by emotion and not logic. But sisters, I have to be honest with myself. I get PMS. Sometimes its subtle and indiscernable but sometimes its a raging torrent that makes me cry at Disney Vacation commercials. Sometimes I cry because I can't chose between a white cable knit sweater with wide cables and an identical white cable knit sweater with narrow cables. So maybe I freaked out a little. But I'm ok now and I am back to respecting that this is AMERICA and we are given the freedom to voice are opinions even if said opinions are mean.
Dononvan and Ari are watching The Wizard of Oz to Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd. I love that my kids are interested in the same things as me. Distracted much? Uh yeah.
Anyway, back to what I was saying before. In my stories I always have the main character come to this dramatic realization and shift and the workshoppers are always telling me that its not realistic but I just proved them wrong because I had a dramatic shift of opinion. God, I'm boring myself now.
With all that in consideration... what happened?
PMS - Now before you feminists go all crazy on me for being a traitor to the gender, let me explain. I know we've been working to remove the stigma of PMS inhibiting our ability to be rational. I know men have said for centuries that women can't make good decisions because they are led by emotion and not logic. But sisters, I have to be honest with myself. I get PMS. Sometimes its subtle and indiscernable but sometimes its a raging torrent that makes me cry at Disney Vacation commercials. Sometimes I cry because I can't chose between a white cable knit sweater with wide cables and an identical white cable knit sweater with narrow cables. So maybe I freaked out a little. But I'm ok now and I am back to respecting that this is AMERICA and we are given the freedom to voice are opinions even if said opinions are mean.
Dononvan and Ari are watching The Wizard of Oz to Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd. I love that my kids are interested in the same things as me. Distracted much? Uh yeah.
Anyway, back to what I was saying before. In my stories I always have the main character come to this dramatic realization and shift and the workshoppers are always telling me that its not realistic but I just proved them wrong because I had a dramatic shift of opinion. God, I'm boring myself now.
22.10.09
I posted This Article a couple of days ago, so proud that we had found our voice and were able to try and spread a little tolerance into the world. I had heard whisperings and murmurings in the pagan world about comments that followed in the wake of that article but by and large ignored them, suffused with a golden glow of community spirit and pride for humans at large. I was proud that we had made such strides as late in terms of racial and socio-political tolerance. We, as a country, elected the first black man and a woman was in the running. The bias of 'good 'ol boy' politics was seemingly going by the wayside and I had real hopes that religious tolerance would closely follow.
So many of us have differences of opinion. So many of us have contrasting points of view on religion, politics, and race that it has become a cliche to avoid such topics in public. Emotions seem to be tied so closely to those topics that the mind/mouth connection seems to have temporary failure and people spout out the first thing that comes into their angry and indignant mind without first considering the effects their comments will have on others.
Last night I finally gave in to curiosity and started out reading the comments following the article that is posted. Immediately I felt set back. The ocean I was treading had become so thick. I read with burning face the comments people had posted about pagans. Some had called us "deluded", some called us "circus freaks", "freak shows", one person even said we should make amends with the fact that we were "possessed by evil demons". The one that hurt the most was the person who claimed we were only going through a phase and soon we would realize our mistake and come back to the fold. Pagans then started posting back and it became a huge flame war. I read all three pages of comments and realized that one element was missing. No one realized that whatever are religious or political views were, we are people. We have hopes and dreams, secret insecurities and strengths. We eat and sleep, love, hurt, mourn, support, nurture, and express joy the same as anyone else. The comments were quick, brutal, and unemotional as if the commentors didn't realize what they were saying was hurtful. No one backed down, no one side won. It was a neverending, meanspirited, battle of words and it hurt me deeply to read it.
I didn't post a comment, not because I am a better person, but because I didn't want to perpetuate the hate. There was enough anger on that board without me adding my two cents. I considered the comments of both sides all night and still have that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.
No one cares anymore. How is that for a broad generalized statement. The pagans who organized Pagan Pride Day did it in an attempt to educate the general public about paganism and to build bridges between pagans and other religions. But no one wants those bridges. People hate as if the hate itself is the important part, not the group they are hating. It doesn't matter if you are a pagan hating Christians or a Christian hating pagans, the result is the same. That rush of adrenaline, that smug, self righteous attitude that you are better than whoever you are criticizing. I understand the allure of hate. I too have angrily told the Jehovah's Witnesses to stop proselytizing on my front stoop, I have told the panhandlers to stop begging and get a job, I've hated on adulterers and hypocrites, fundamentalists and politicians, pot-smokers and lax parents. It was the hate that made me feel more important, better about myself. It had nothing to do with whether I was right or wrong.
When I lived in Philadelphia I had a coworker who became my friend. She was a gorgeous black woman with beautiful blue eyes and a honest, quick wit. When I told her I was pagan she put her hand on my shoulder and looked at me with concern in her eyes. "Awww, honey. Don't you know you're going to go to Hell for that?" The hate and the judgement were noticebly missing. This was just an honest woman who cared about the status of her friend's soul and that has stayed with me longer than any of the hate mongering I've received because of my religious choices. I appreciated her faith, her honesty, and her caring. She appreciated that once she had made sure I had all the facts, I was an adult and capable of making my own desicions. We never spoke of it after that. She never condemned me, she didn't stop being my friend. She was a good person and I will never forget her. I have often tried to emulate her since then. To be honest, caring, and a friend no matter what choices others make. In the end, it is their choice to make and they are all adult enough to make that choice.
What we need to concentrate on is making sure that we follow the essence of goodness. I can talk all day, spouting cliches about the repercussions of your words and actions being like ripples on a pond or the single beat of a butterflies wings causing a hurricane across the world but those are trite and old and no one listens to them anyway. So instead I chose not to post a comment at all. I came here instead, to get my thoughts in order. To work my way through the pain I felt when reading those hurtful words and to hope one of these days, posts like this won't be necessary for me anymore. Or for anyone.
So many of us have differences of opinion. So many of us have contrasting points of view on religion, politics, and race that it has become a cliche to avoid such topics in public. Emotions seem to be tied so closely to those topics that the mind/mouth connection seems to have temporary failure and people spout out the first thing that comes into their angry and indignant mind without first considering the effects their comments will have on others.
Last night I finally gave in to curiosity and started out reading the comments following the article that is posted. Immediately I felt set back. The ocean I was treading had become so thick. I read with burning face the comments people had posted about pagans. Some had called us "deluded", some called us "circus freaks", "freak shows", one person even said we should make amends with the fact that we were "possessed by evil demons". The one that hurt the most was the person who claimed we were only going through a phase and soon we would realize our mistake and come back to the fold. Pagans then started posting back and it became a huge flame war. I read all three pages of comments and realized that one element was missing. No one realized that whatever are religious or political views were, we are people. We have hopes and dreams, secret insecurities and strengths. We eat and sleep, love, hurt, mourn, support, nurture, and express joy the same as anyone else. The comments were quick, brutal, and unemotional as if the commentors didn't realize what they were saying was hurtful. No one backed down, no one side won. It was a neverending, meanspirited, battle of words and it hurt me deeply to read it.
I didn't post a comment, not because I am a better person, but because I didn't want to perpetuate the hate. There was enough anger on that board without me adding my two cents. I considered the comments of both sides all night and still have that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.
No one cares anymore. How is that for a broad generalized statement. The pagans who organized Pagan Pride Day did it in an attempt to educate the general public about paganism and to build bridges between pagans and other religions. But no one wants those bridges. People hate as if the hate itself is the important part, not the group they are hating. It doesn't matter if you are a pagan hating Christians or a Christian hating pagans, the result is the same. That rush of adrenaline, that smug, self righteous attitude that you are better than whoever you are criticizing. I understand the allure of hate. I too have angrily told the Jehovah's Witnesses to stop proselytizing on my front stoop, I have told the panhandlers to stop begging and get a job, I've hated on adulterers and hypocrites, fundamentalists and politicians, pot-smokers and lax parents. It was the hate that made me feel more important, better about myself. It had nothing to do with whether I was right or wrong.
When I lived in Philadelphia I had a coworker who became my friend. She was a gorgeous black woman with beautiful blue eyes and a honest, quick wit. When I told her I was pagan she put her hand on my shoulder and looked at me with concern in her eyes. "Awww, honey. Don't you know you're going to go to Hell for that?" The hate and the judgement were noticebly missing. This was just an honest woman who cared about the status of her friend's soul and that has stayed with me longer than any of the hate mongering I've received because of my religious choices. I appreciated her faith, her honesty, and her caring. She appreciated that once she had made sure I had all the facts, I was an adult and capable of making my own desicions. We never spoke of it after that. She never condemned me, she didn't stop being my friend. She was a good person and I will never forget her. I have often tried to emulate her since then. To be honest, caring, and a friend no matter what choices others make. In the end, it is their choice to make and they are all adult enough to make that choice.
What we need to concentrate on is making sure that we follow the essence of goodness. I can talk all day, spouting cliches about the repercussions of your words and actions being like ripples on a pond or the single beat of a butterflies wings causing a hurricane across the world but those are trite and old and no one listens to them anyway. So instead I chose not to post a comment at all. I came here instead, to get my thoughts in order. To work my way through the pain I felt when reading those hurtful words and to hope one of these days, posts like this won't be necessary for me anymore. Or for anyone.
21.10.09
Tis The Reason for the Season...
I went shopping today. I got, guess what, yup pumpkins and candy for trick or treaters! I got two medium sized pumpkins, one for me and one for Mike. Then I got three smaller pumpkins for the kids. Tonight will be pumpkin guts mayhem and I love it sooo much! Just the thought of roasting the pumpkin seeds, the ooey-gooey squish of gourd guts, the laughing as Donovan chases the girls around with said gourd guts, the thick sweet taste of egg nog and the spicy bite of hot apple cider, the whirl of power tools... screeech. Whirl of power tools? Yup, you heard me correctly. Mike is bringing his Dremel home from the metal's lab so he can carve his pumpkin. I asked didn't he think that would make his Dremel all... ucky. He hesitated for a minute, the silence on the other end of the line indicating some major coniving on his part. Then he dropped the bomb. "I'll just have to stop by Harbor Freight and pick up a cheapy Dremel then."
Wait. I think I almost missed that. The man wants to BUY a NEW tool so he doesn't ruin his old one when he does his high tech pumpkin mutilation?
I'm almost finished with Keira's costume and I'll post pictures when its complete. I have to create a mopcap and sew some bows on, figure out if I want buttons or ties on the back and then she should be done. I was just sitting here dreaming of buckle shoes for her. I have a similar pattern for myself and I'm thinking of maybe using it this year. I have to get my submission for the English department scholarships first though. I can't blow this chance to lower my loans. So, I'll work on the short story I'm writing called "Red" and finish Keira's costume and then I'll step back and take stock of how much time I have left. If I don't get it done I have a ton of things I can rig in the meantime. That's why its awesome to be a Renn Faire junkie, always lots of costumes lying around.
The Jehovah's Witnesses came back today. I have a sneaking suspicion it was the same woman as last time. I told her very politely... ok maybe I got a little snippy. Anyway, I told her that there were signs clearly posted on every entrance to the park that designated it as a no solicitation zone and whether she understood it or not religious solicitation is still solicitation and could she please stop giving religious tracks to my children when they were out playing by themselves. I didn't actually tell her that last part but I told her not to solicite. She ignored me and went right next door. ARG!!!
Last but not least: I'm following a new blog so make sure you check her out. She rocks. http://mama-blogger.blogspot.com/. Renee has a wonderful sense of humor. She's got kids. That seems to be an important concept for me when it comes to blogs. Mom, English Major, Sense of Humor. Or any combination of the above anyway.
Well, I think that's it for now.
Luna
Wait. I think I almost missed that. The man wants to BUY a NEW tool so he doesn't ruin his old one when he does his high tech pumpkin mutilation?
I'm almost finished with Keira's costume and I'll post pictures when its complete. I have to create a mopcap and sew some bows on, figure out if I want buttons or ties on the back and then she should be done. I was just sitting here dreaming of buckle shoes for her. I have a similar pattern for myself and I'm thinking of maybe using it this year. I have to get my submission for the English department scholarships first though. I can't blow this chance to lower my loans. So, I'll work on the short story I'm writing called "Red" and finish Keira's costume and then I'll step back and take stock of how much time I have left. If I don't get it done I have a ton of things I can rig in the meantime. That's why its awesome to be a Renn Faire junkie, always lots of costumes lying around.
The Jehovah's Witnesses came back today. I have a sneaking suspicion it was the same woman as last time. I told her very politely... ok maybe I got a little snippy. Anyway, I told her that there were signs clearly posted on every entrance to the park that designated it as a no solicitation zone and whether she understood it or not religious solicitation is still solicitation and could she please stop giving religious tracks to my children when they were out playing by themselves. I didn't actually tell her that last part but I told her not to solicite. She ignored me and went right next door. ARG!!!
Last but not least: I'm following a new blog so make sure you check her out. She rocks. http://mama-blogger.blogspot.com/. Renee has a wonderful sense of humor. She's got kids. That seems to be an important concept for me when it comes to blogs. Mom, English Major, Sense of Humor. Or any combination of the above anyway.
Well, I think that's it for now.
Luna
20.10.09
Trying
I'm trying to post a little something everyday, whether its a blurb of writing on facebook or a blog entry. I'm not sure how reliable I'll be. I usually do pretty good for a bit and then I get lazy or busy. So, no promises but I don't think anyone reads me anyway so its really just for me anyway.
A friend of mine never posts to her blog because she only ever has moody stuff to write about and doesn't want to whine all the time. I kind of feel the same way. Mike and I fight a lot because I have a hard time being positive about my life. I'm always either sick, tired, or hurt and that kind of puts a damper on the moods. That and I'm having a really discouraging time with the whole weight loss thing. So... between the pain and the exhaustion there isn't really anything much to cheer about on a blog. So I hardly ever write.
But, I've had a good couple of days so I'll post about those. I aced all three of my midterm exams even though I was seriously flipping out about a couple of them. Also, we just had Pagan Pride Day and that was really nice. I am hesitant to practice ritual with strangers but there were enough people there I was familiar with to make it ok. It was odd, but nice to do a ritual again. Its getting to be too long between them.
I am applying for more scholarships. Mike doesn't think I'll get them because there are so many people applying but I'll keep a positive attitude and you never know, right? I submitted a new werewolf piece that I've been working on called "Red". It probably won't get chosen simply because its a genre piece but that's ok. Also, I've been working on a colonial dress for Keira's Halloween costume and its turning out surprisingly good. I will post pictures on facebook when its done.
Well, its midnight here so I'll leave you with a little prose:
Viscous stars slurred the night; spiralling, arms held wide into the darkness. On clear nights you could see forever and on cloudy nights you could see into yourself. The chariot of Nyx strays across the horizon, pulling forth her cloak of night as the living world slumbers.
-Chenoa
A friend of mine never posts to her blog because she only ever has moody stuff to write about and doesn't want to whine all the time. I kind of feel the same way. Mike and I fight a lot because I have a hard time being positive about my life. I'm always either sick, tired, or hurt and that kind of puts a damper on the moods. That and I'm having a really discouraging time with the whole weight loss thing. So... between the pain and the exhaustion there isn't really anything much to cheer about on a blog. So I hardly ever write.
But, I've had a good couple of days so I'll post about those. I aced all three of my midterm exams even though I was seriously flipping out about a couple of them. Also, we just had Pagan Pride Day and that was really nice. I am hesitant to practice ritual with strangers but there were enough people there I was familiar with to make it ok. It was odd, but nice to do a ritual again. Its getting to be too long between them.
I am applying for more scholarships. Mike doesn't think I'll get them because there are so many people applying but I'll keep a positive attitude and you never know, right? I submitted a new werewolf piece that I've been working on called "Red". It probably won't get chosen simply because its a genre piece but that's ok. Also, I've been working on a colonial dress for Keira's Halloween costume and its turning out surprisingly good. I will post pictures on facebook when its done.
Well, its midnight here so I'll leave you with a little prose:
Viscous stars slurred the night; spiralling, arms held wide into the darkness. On clear nights you could see forever and on cloudy nights you could see into yourself. The chariot of Nyx strays across the horizon, pulling forth her cloak of night as the living world slumbers.
-Chenoa
12.10.09
2nd Annual Las Cruces Pagan Pride Day this Saturday!!
the 2nd annual Las Cruces area Pagan Pride Day will be in one short week! Please pass this reminder around to friends and family.
We have an amazing event planned, and with your participation, we have build a diverse and safe community. Check out our web site for schedules, details, and contact info: http:\\lascrucespag anpride.org
Just a few things you might want to know....
* Bring offerings to honor those that have passed over, including your dear animal servants.
* A food drive to benefit FYI is being conducted, so bring non-perishable food items to give back to our community. This is our "admission" into the event.
* Additionally, we have an open drum circle at 11 am, so bring your percussion instruments and join in, or just come enjoy and move with the music.
* A resources area is planned, so if you have a favorite web site, or belong to a group that would like to become a resource in the pagan community, bring information to share.
* Visit our Shrine of Healng and Remembrance, and the Guardian's altar, for some intense energy work.
* Walk the medicine wheel for some quiet time and contemplation.
...and so much more!
Opening ritual is planned for 9 am , fun and education the entire day, and closing ritual at 4 pm. Bring your food donation, and an open mind, and be ready for fun!
We have an amazing event planned, and with your participation, we have build a diverse and safe community. Check out our web site for schedules, details, and contact info: http:\\lascrucespag anpride.org
Just a few things you might want to know....
* Bring offerings to honor those that have passed over, including your dear animal servants.
* A food drive to benefit FYI is being conducted, so bring non-perishable food items to give back to our community. This is our "admission" into the event.
* Additionally, we have an open drum circle at 11 am, so bring your percussion instruments and join in, or just come enjoy and move with the music.
* A resources area is planned, so if you have a favorite web site, or belong to a group that would like to become a resource in the pagan community, bring information to share.
* Visit our Shrine of Healng and Remembrance, and the Guardian's altar, for some intense energy work.
* Walk the medicine wheel for some quiet time and contemplation.
...and so much more!
Opening ritual is planned for 9 am , fun and education the entire day, and closing ritual at 4 pm. Bring your food donation, and an open mind, and be ready for fun!
12.2.09
The Spirituality of Life
I "practice" my faith everyday. I have immersed myself in it so fully that everything I do is a reflection of the gods. Every minute of every day I reflect upon who has provided that moment and give thanks for it. When I'm in metals working on a particularly difficult project I give thanks to Hephaestus. When I garden or when I'm outside I thank Cerrunos for bit of earth. The nights that Artemis and Hecate have granted us makes me want to sing out and I thank Hera for protecting my marriage. I live in the presence of the divinity every day so I am constantly aware of the connection between the divine and the mundane.
Sometimes I just forget that the rest of the world isn't like that. Sometimes when someone is taken by surprise by some spiritual gift I want to click my tongue at them and tell "you should have known". But really, should they have? Is it so odd that a connection to the spiritual would take someone by surprise. That a sudden awareness of the relationship with the mystical would completely change their lives. Is it really all that far fetched to be a born again pagan... again?
11.2.09
I"m positive
I'm thinking of trying to be positive for awhile. Saying things like "I can" and "I will". I'm going to work very hard and making sure the things that come out of my mouth are things that will help me in life. My mother is so negative and hubby is so cynical that I think I've become some kind of monster accumulation of both of them. I was told by an older woman the other day that my cells could hear what I said. So when I spoke negatively about my body they heard and reacted accordingly. I'm not sure I believe that so literally but I do thing that I can be a happier, healthier person if I just stop saying I can't and start saying I will.
I sprained my knee on superbowl sunday and the doctor wanted me to get off the crutches and start using it just 1 week after I did it. I was afraid and, for the first couple of days, in a lot of pain. I still have to take a pain pill after a long day but I'm definitely seeing some improvement. Now imagine how quickly I would have healed if I'd jumped off those crutches and sang "I'm back world, and ready to dance!"
14.1.09
March of Dimes Walk
Did you know I was a premature baby? I am joining in the Walk to prevent future Premature Births for March of Dimes. Any little bit helps! http://www.marchforbabies.org/lunamama
22.10.08
Quickie
She always had a smudge of charcoal just below her left ear, as if some careless bit of art had leaned in for a kiss and left a little of itself behind.
11.10.08
Nostalgia
Want to hear the most awesome thing? I ate Lucky Charms for breakfast this morning. The marshmallows tasted exactly the same as they did when I was a kid. In fact, the taste was so familiar that I was instantly transported back to a morning in my childhood when my two friends and I ate an entire box of Lucky Charms and polished off an entire gallon of milk.
Needless to say they didn't taste that good after that memory. Ug! What a tummy ache.
Today I'm doing laundry, reading New Moon, and maybe watching some movies. It's one of those gradual days that wanders towards evening all day. The clouds are dark and low and the whole pace of the day is almost in slow motion. The air is the perfect temperature, still shorts and tank top weather but with just a nip in the air that makes you shiver at random moments. Random delicious moments. It's like when it rains in the winter and you're able to spend the day in socks with a mug of warm spiced cider doing nothing especially. Makes me want to bake cookies.
TImes like this I feel like I'm standing on the bank of the river of life watching it rush by me in a blur. I know the stream rushing past me is cold and uncomfortable but it takes my places. It gets me where I need to be. Days like this are when I'm just sitting on a warm rock on the edge of it all, enjoying the senses of it all without really being a part of it. As if for a split moment I'm standing outside of life itself.
In the Outlander series Diana Gabaldon refers to moments like this as Claire's "Moments of Grace".
I don't try and put a name to it, I just enjoy it, thank the goddess it happened and then step back into the current of life.
Needless to say they didn't taste that good after that memory. Ug! What a tummy ache.
Today I'm doing laundry, reading New Moon, and maybe watching some movies. It's one of those gradual days that wanders towards evening all day. The clouds are dark and low and the whole pace of the day is almost in slow motion. The air is the perfect temperature, still shorts and tank top weather but with just a nip in the air that makes you shiver at random moments. Random delicious moments. It's like when it rains in the winter and you're able to spend the day in socks with a mug of warm spiced cider doing nothing especially. Makes me want to bake cookies.
TImes like this I feel like I'm standing on the bank of the river of life watching it rush by me in a blur. I know the stream rushing past me is cold and uncomfortable but it takes my places. It gets me where I need to be. Days like this are when I'm just sitting on a warm rock on the edge of it all, enjoying the senses of it all without really being a part of it. As if for a split moment I'm standing outside of life itself.
In the Outlander series Diana Gabaldon refers to moments like this as Claire's "Moments of Grace".
I don't try and put a name to it, I just enjoy it, thank the goddess it happened and then step back into the current of life.
10.10.08
Just when you think things are going well...
I just got home from taking Donovan to the Emergency Room for a wrist injury. We got there at about noon and we. just. got. home. It was stressful. The good news is that his wrist isn't fractured and there doesn't seem to be a sprain but they put him in a splint anyway "Just in case". So he will be in a splint and sling for at least the next couple of days. It'll be tough on him but he's mature enough to deal.
Am I mature enough to deal?
No clue.
Am I mature enough to deal?
No clue.
Holding the Door Open for a Woman
She put her hand on her stomach. It was an unconscious movement she probably would have stifled had she been aware of it. It came so naturally to her now she didn’t even realize it when her hand rose and rested against the slight curvature of the womb that lay hard against her palm. There was a connection there. Nothing as dramatic as telepathy or symbiosis, just a knowledge. It was as if the movement itself was the communication. A gentle vibration answered by the slight resting pressure.
9.10.08
Really?! Seriously?!
Last night a really good friend of mine woke me in the middle of the night because mutual neighbors of ours knocked on her door at 1:30 in the morning and proceeded to yell at her and terrify her until she could finally get her door shut. The male neighbor was holding the door open yelling at her. She is already terrified of men because several of her past beaus have tried to kill or maim her and having a strange angry man trying to bully his way into her house at 1:30 in the morning did nothing to alleviate this.
What precipitated this late night siege on my good friend's abode?
Last week my friend's turtle was taken by one of the neighborhood kids and when she went to the kid's house to get her turtle back the kid's mom said she knew nothing about it.
So now the same woman has her boyfriend beating down my friend's door telling her she shouldn't accuse people of things. Bullying their way into the home of an already traumatized woman, ensuring that my kids, my friend's kids and said neighbor's kids will never be able to play now...
all because her kid walked off with a turtle.
My husband and I went to the woman's house to find out why she would do such a thing and the woman acted like she had been sleeping and didn't know what we were talking about. (see a pattern here?)
Cops were called. Police reports were filed. Sleep was lost. All for what?
Because one woman couldn't act like an adult for two seconds. Because she felt so guilty about being caught lying she felt the need to vindicate herself through shock and awe tactics. Swoop down on her house in the middle of the night when she and her children are all alone and make your boyfriend bully her until she's in hysterical tears.
Really?! Seriously? Can we just grow up?
(10/08/2008)
What precipitated this late night siege on my good friend's abode?
Last week my friend's turtle was taken by one of the neighborhood kids and when she went to the kid's house to get her turtle back the kid's mom said she knew nothing about it.
So now the same woman has her boyfriend beating down my friend's door telling her she shouldn't accuse people of things. Bullying their way into the home of an already traumatized woman, ensuring that my kids, my friend's kids and said neighbor's kids will never be able to play now...
all because her kid walked off with a turtle.
My husband and I went to the woman's house to find out why she would do such a thing and the woman acted like she had been sleeping and didn't know what we were talking about. (see a pattern here?)
Cops were called. Police reports were filed. Sleep was lost. All for what?
Because one woman couldn't act like an adult for two seconds. Because she felt so guilty about being caught lying she felt the need to vindicate herself through shock and awe tactics. Swoop down on her house in the middle of the night when she and her children are all alone and make your boyfriend bully her until she's in hysterical tears.
Really?! Seriously? Can we just grow up?
(10/08/2008)
Enjoyable and Productive
What an awesome morning! The leaves are just starting to turn and there is a chill in the air. In fact, this morning was the first morning I got to see my breath. D ran in from the bus stop and pulled me outside so I could see his breath and I caught some of his kid-excitement. I love the fall. I got up yesterday to find it had rained and it was cold. We drank hot tea and apple cider and I cleaned the house in preparation for Michael's surprise birthday party. The whole day was fun and I got a lot accomplished. You know you've had a good day when it was productive and enjoyable.
And now its back to the grindstone but not without enjoying the beautiful fall day around me.
(10/06/2008)
And now its back to the grindstone but not without enjoying the beautiful fall day around me.
(10/06/2008)
Crossroads
There are a lot of things going on in my life so I figure I better get on here and document them before I make a horrible mistake. Blogging always makes my choices seem a bit more clear.
I'm a sophomore this semester and while I love being in school and learning you kind of get to the point where you hope to see the end in sight. You want to be able to chart your course and, when charted, my journey has about seven more years left. I'm beginning to feel like Odysseus and that isn't a good thing. The graphic design program just isn't what I thought it would be. It's long, arduous, and if I'm perfectly honest with myself, I'm not learning anything. As much as I love Graphic Design, I haven't enjoyed one of my classes since I started this whole debacle. The most fun of my life has been drawing and creative writing. If the GD program weren't so intensive maybe I could get through it but I have two years left of just Graphic Design. That doesn't even begin to count the language classes, creative writing classes, Gen Ed classes, and Honors classes I have to take. My graduate date would be sometime in 2013. I would be graduating from college the SAME year as D would be graduating from HIGH SCHOOL! And like I said, it would be different if I were actually learning anything in the program but I'm not.
I've thought about changing to a studio arts minor or a drawing major. I hate to have the last couple years of my life be a waste but I don't want the next seven years of my life to be a waste either. My other option is to just ride it out. Get all of my Gen Ed, Honors, Language, and Creative Writing Classes out of the way, take the couple of classes that I need to fulfill a studio arts minor and then see how I feel. Maybe I'm just burned out. Maybe if I wait a couple of semesters something in the Graphics Design program will change for the better... Then I'll have BA in Creative Writing and at least a minor in art if not a major in Drawing. I'll graduate with honors. Can you believe one of my GD professors suggested I either slack in one of my other classes or drop the honors program in order to devote more time to graphic design. Yeah, why don't I just sell some of my kids while I'm at it, they take up WAY too much of my time. Hmph.
The second reason I jumped on here after so long is because I was feeling introspective. I saw two people I knew today and I didn't call out to them or say hello because I was afraid that I was mistaken and it wasn't them and that would leave me open to embarrassment. Leave me open to embarrassment?! I didn't say hello to someone I cared about because there was a chance that when they turned around the face of a stranger might have been staring at me. Then they would have said "I'm sorry you must be mistaken." and then I would blush momentarily but we would laugh about it and then go our separate ways. Then next time I would call out to them as a joke and maybe we would become friends. So now, not only did I not say hello to a friend but I also crushed what could have been a great opportunity to meet someone new. Because I was afraid to be embarrassed. How pitiful is that? All to protect me from a second of vulnerability. What a coward.
One of these days I'm going to take the (ahem, excuse the trite phrase) road less traveled and be proud but for today... today is a good day and I think I'll let it ride.
I'm a sophomore this semester and while I love being in school and learning you kind of get to the point where you hope to see the end in sight. You want to be able to chart your course and, when charted, my journey has about seven more years left. I'm beginning to feel like Odysseus and that isn't a good thing. The graphic design program just isn't what I thought it would be. It's long, arduous, and if I'm perfectly honest with myself, I'm not learning anything. As much as I love Graphic Design, I haven't enjoyed one of my classes since I started this whole debacle. The most fun of my life has been drawing and creative writing. If the GD program weren't so intensive maybe I could get through it but I have two years left of just Graphic Design. That doesn't even begin to count the language classes, creative writing classes, Gen Ed classes, and Honors classes I have to take. My graduate date would be sometime in 2013. I would be graduating from college the SAME year as D would be graduating from HIGH SCHOOL! And like I said, it would be different if I were actually learning anything in the program but I'm not.
I've thought about changing to a studio arts minor or a drawing major. I hate to have the last couple years of my life be a waste but I don't want the next seven years of my life to be a waste either. My other option is to just ride it out. Get all of my Gen Ed, Honors, Language, and Creative Writing Classes out of the way, take the couple of classes that I need to fulfill a studio arts minor and then see how I feel. Maybe I'm just burned out. Maybe if I wait a couple of semesters something in the Graphics Design program will change for the better... Then I'll have BA in Creative Writing and at least a minor in art if not a major in Drawing. I'll graduate with honors. Can you believe one of my GD professors suggested I either slack in one of my other classes or drop the honors program in order to devote more time to graphic design. Yeah, why don't I just sell some of my kids while I'm at it, they take up WAY too much of my time. Hmph.
The second reason I jumped on here after so long is because I was feeling introspective. I saw two people I knew today and I didn't call out to them or say hello because I was afraid that I was mistaken and it wasn't them and that would leave me open to embarrassment. Leave me open to embarrassment?! I didn't say hello to someone I cared about because there was a chance that when they turned around the face of a stranger might have been staring at me. Then they would have said "I'm sorry you must be mistaken." and then I would blush momentarily but we would laugh about it and then go our separate ways. Then next time I would call out to them as a joke and maybe we would become friends. So now, not only did I not say hello to a friend but I also crushed what could have been a great opportunity to meet someone new. Because I was afraid to be embarrassed. How pitiful is that? All to protect me from a second of vulnerability. What a coward.
One of these days I'm going to take the (ahem, excuse the trite phrase) road less traveled and be proud but for today... today is a good day and I think I'll let it ride.
16.12.07
Enjoying the Present and Looking Forward to the Future
Well, finals are over and I am dying to see my final grades. Mike says they won't be up until at least the eighteenth but I religiously go to check every day. I hope I won't be disappointed. I already know my viciously ignorant 3-D design teacher gave me a B. I may have gotten an A in Art History in spite of that first C if I scored a high enough A on the final. Ceramics and 2-D Design are for sure A's. So now its just a waiting game.
We also are waiting to hear if Mike got the job that will literally pay the rent for the next couple of semesters. Community Assistant comps the rent and gives us a little over $100 every two weeks. Instead of calling or emailing us, however, he mailed a letter stating whether or not Mike got the job. Don't these people realize how impatient I am!!!
I got to read a book for enjoyment for the first time in almost a year this week. It is amazing. Being able to sit back and relax guilt free without thinking, "I should be studying." It's been nice. Also, the house is semi-clean. It's not a total disaster and I've been able to keep up with the dishes. Laundry. That's another story.
Anyway, its been awesome to be able to take some time to myself. I can get back into posting, yoga, praying, etc. I do look forward to next semester though!! I'm really excited about next semester! Creative Writing, Mythology, Photoshop. It's bound to be interesting...
We also are waiting to hear if Mike got the job that will literally pay the rent for the next couple of semesters. Community Assistant comps the rent and gives us a little over $100 every two weeks. Instead of calling or emailing us, however, he mailed a letter stating whether or not Mike got the job. Don't these people realize how impatient I am!!!
I got to read a book for enjoyment for the first time in almost a year this week. It is amazing. Being able to sit back and relax guilt free without thinking, "I should be studying." It's been nice. Also, the house is semi-clean. It's not a total disaster and I've been able to keep up with the dishes. Laundry. That's another story.
Anyway, its been awesome to be able to take some time to myself. I can get back into posting, yoga, praying, etc. I do look forward to next semester though!! I'm really excited about next semester! Creative Writing, Mythology, Photoshop. It's bound to be interesting...
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